THE HAZY LENS

I fell off the wagon a few months ago.  That’s the primary reason I have not been posting to this blog that no one reads.

I should be love sober in a couple of weeks after I attend a couple of L.A. meetings.

So, expect more posts soon.

I believe you can learn all about a person just by the way they DRIVE (by the way, there is a cool movie out now with this title that shows what happens to bad drivers.)

For instance, how about the people who NEVER use a turn signal?  It’s quite obvious that these people are selfish, egocentric earthlings.  I will factor in that about 3% of the turn signals on these cars are not in operating condition so the drivers of these vehicles are excluded from my study and should not be ridiculed.

Type-A personalities typically drive faster than Type-B’s.  They can be seen weaving in and out of traffic with little regard for their fellow humans safety.  They want to get to where they think they need to be even if it’s three seconds faster then it would have been had they driven in a sane manner.

How about the people that drive SLOW in the fast lane on the highway?  I believe these people to be passive-aggressive types.  They should just be run over by 18-Wheelers if they do not move over into the slower lanes five seconds after being flashed by a car behind them.

Then there are the people who do not say “Thank you,” or at least give you a little hand wave or smile when you let them in to your lane are by far the WORSE people on Earth.  Would you seriously consider dating anyone who displayed this kind of driving etiquette?  I know I wouldn’t.  Well, maybe Selma Hayek if she ever were single again, but I hear she’s a really good driver, yeah.

Finally, all of these bad drivers put undue mental and physical pressure on us good ones which in turn could literally lead to death.  Maybe the good drivers could start a class-action lawsuit against the horrific ones.  Hmmm…

Turn Your Lights On!!

UPDATE!  This place is amazing.  I never new Gluten-Free edibles could be so delicious.

I wonder what kind of advertising genius Don Draper and his crew of Mad Men would dream up for this shop of succulent delights?

I found myself reading my horoscope the other day in the local paper (both of which I rarely do,) and here was the beginning: “Not only are you intelligent and creative, but you also happen to be mighty funky.”  I might expound upon my funkiness at a later time, but for now let’s concentrate on intelligence or lack of it.

I don’t consider myself very intelligent, but I’m also not a mouth-breather who thinks “Jersey Shore” is the best TV Show in this galaxy. (I only think it is 3rd or 4th best.)

I consider myself about a 6.0-6.5 based on a 1-10 Intelligence Scale with a ten being Einstein-ish.  When grading myself I realized I’m really happy where I’m at on this scale.  I don’t usually strive for mediocrity, but when it comes to smarts, being in the middle of the pack is a WIN.

I’m happy about it because humans that range in the 1-3 scale or 8-10 scale annoy me in even proportions.  Think about it… have you ever come across these types in either Intelli-range?  They are very difficult to deal with.  The 1-3’s think “Silicone” is something they grow in Silicon Valley, California and the 8-10’s strive to live there, or at least have one of their businesses there.

I’m glad I know some stuff and that my brain cells shut down when “Quantum Physics” is the topic of conversation at the local coffee shop.  (By the way, this is more likely to happen at a Pete’s Coffee than a Starbucks.)

I think everyone should strive to be in the 3.1-7.9 range.  So, 1-3’s, try picking up a book instead of checking your Facebook page first thing when you wake up. And, 8-10’s you pick up a book too… Social Skills for Dummies.  The world will be a better place.

Turn Your Lights On!

The Hazy Lens (smarter than a ham sandwich)

Is LOVE.  I should clarify and say “Romantic Love” is the most dangerous drug and should be outlawed.  Seriously.  It’s the worst drug.  I can’t believe our historic humans did not outlaw this drug at some point in history.  Think about what people do when they are high on “love.”  What illogical things you have done.  Take that smirk off your face.  It is no laughing matter.  Hello… it has caused wars and kingdoms have been brought to their knees!

I say we start a LOVERS ANONYMOUS immediately.  Everyone should do its 12-step program pronto before the world is consumed by it like the virus in Contagion. 

Love is killing us all and we just float on its sea of drunken marshmallows until we crash with the worst hangover that no tequila could top.

I haven’t taken a hit of Love in over two years now.  As much as I’d like to stay clean and sober I’m sure I’ll fall off the wagon at some point.

LOVE… The World’s Most Dangerous Drug.  Period. ;-)